It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
