the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
