The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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