It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
