dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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