So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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