My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
