I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
