my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
