I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
