This is not my ceiling
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
