that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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