Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
