i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
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