I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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