literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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