Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
