I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
