You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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