Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
