so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
