I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
