Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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