you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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