does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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