my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize