I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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