My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
