Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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