So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
