that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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