there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
