what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
