You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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