dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
