Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
