I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
