Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Blood and glitter go together right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
