Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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