he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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