i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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