Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
