So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
