my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
