She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
