i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize