I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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