I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
