as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
