i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
