Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
