In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
