It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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