Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
