dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
