is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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