Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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