dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
