We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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