Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
