dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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