Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
