How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
