no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
