i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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