I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
