Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
